Magic and Mayhem: Risky Witchness (Kindle Worlds Novella) Read online

  I knew it was bad. I knew this could only lead to something no one wanted or needed. But I kept doing it anyway.

  Justin’s hands went to the buckle on his belt, I was ready to slide that crisp dollar right down the line of his obliques, but Millie was quite finished.

  “That’s good,” she snapped and the music ceased. “You’re hired.”

  I extended the dollar as a show of good faith, and Justin grabbed it with his teeth. He had a future, that one did. I smiled my approval.

  “Why don’t you go out and talk to Prudence on the floor? She’ll get you set up in a dressing room and sign all the contracts.”

  “Great!” Justin winked at us both and headed out the door, shirt in hand.

  “He was talented. Good choice.”

  “Just what the hell were you doing, Red?”

  That nickname set my teeth on edge and any remorse I might have felt for winding her up evaporated.

  “I was auditioning him.” I tried to look innocent. “I was helping.”

  “That was most definitely not helping. You’re not supposed to practically… practically…”

  “Sample the merchandise?” I offered helpfully.

  “He’s not merchandise. He’s a person.”

  “Yes, yes he is. A very attractive person who will allow others to pet his abs for money. I gave him the money. I’m entitled to my pet.”

  “You’re a pig.”

  “How am I a pig? I’m just trying to help.”

  “No, you saw a way to embarrass me and—”

  “Embarrass you? Listen, dollface.” I laughed. “He didn’t even get his pants off. If that embarrasses you, you shouldn’t be running a strip club.”

  She narrowed her eyes. “It was more than that. It was positively pornographic.”

  “Again, I beg the question—”

  “Shut up. You know what you did.” She slapped her organizer closed.

  “Oh, do I?”

  She tried to walk past me, but I couldn’t let her go. We’ll just say the devil made me do it. I grabbed her. “Why don’t you explain it to me?”

  “This is highly inappropriate.”

  “And you grabbing my cock the first night we were here wasn’t?”

  “That doesn’t give you permission to just manhandle me whenever you like.”

  “I don’t. I’d like to demon-handle you all the time,” I confessed.

  Instead of squirming off my lap as I’d anticipated, she grabbed my face. It was no gentle touch, no light flirtation.

  “Listen here, Red. If you want to play with me, you’ll have to step up your game. I’m not going to fall for this build her up tear her down game. I’ve got serious business to handle. You’ll either help me or get the hell out of my way.”

  Well, that was probably one of the sexiest things that had ever happened to me. I especially liked the little growl in her voice. For a moment, I could easily envision exactly what a smiting from this witch would entail, and I liked it.

  I liked it a lot.

  Her eyes narrowed. “You’re a twisted fucker.”

  I put my hands on her hips. “You like it.”

  “Maybe I just do.” She locked her eyes with mine and didn’t look away.

  I wondered if she’d find it so easy to stare at what she saw there if I’d been wearing all the pomp and circumstance of my true nature. If she’d be so quick to grab my face, to look into my eyes if she could see eternity and hellfire.

  I was irritated that I wanted to find out.

  “Whatever we’re both thinking is probably a bad idea.”

  “Yeah, probably.”

  I wanted to see Emilian in her eyes. She looked very much like the body he’d showed me in Heaven, when he’d asked if I’d love him in any form. Only I saw nothing familiar there. Nothing warm—wait, I couldn’t say that.

  She was all heat. All fire.

  But she wasn’t Emilian.

  Somehow, it didn’t matter. I still wanted her.

  I decided to chock it up to that whole bonding during trauma thing that humans did. It was definitely a trauma being stranded here, and I realized I’d started to think of her worries as my own. I’d gotten her an ironclad contract from the fairies for free.

  I knew, even as I leaned forward, that I was skipping down the primrose path to hell.

  But really, when had that ever deterred me?

  Millie

  He kissed me.

  I should’ve expected it, but I didn’t.

  And I shouldn’t have liked it.

  But I did.

  It was also the perfect excuse to push my fingers through his absolutely perfect hair. I wanted not only to mess it up, but to feel the texture of it on my fingers.

  If you’d asked me, I’d have thought kissing a demon would be gross. That he’d taste like brimstone and hellfire.

  No such luck. He tasted like cherry Jolly Ranchers.

  Bastard.

  I could kiss him all day. All night. Forever, really.

  His hands were pure sin. That, also, I should’ve expected.

  Damn, damn, damn.

  A knock on the door should’ve startled us, but I didn’t want to stop. I didn’t care what was going on outside of these walls. Nothing could be as important as getting closer to Red.

  “Eww. Gross,” Prick hollered. “Prudence, I told you I didn’t want to do this.”

  “What is so important that you had to violate our closed door policy?” My lips were swollen, bee stung.

  “We have a problem in the Shifter club.”

  Ethelred motioned for him to continue. “What kind of a problem?”

  “A… particularly canine problem.”

  “Oh, out with it. For a familiar, you’re such a prude. Draw us a picture. With the big crayons,” Ethelred drawled.

  I nodded.

  “It’s one of the wolf Shifters. He won’t stop licking himself while the girls dance.”

  “That’s completely unacceptable.”

  “He says he’s not breaking the no touching rule since it’s himself, and he’s not technically…” Prick shrugged.

  I put my hands on my hips. Oh, this wolf was going to pay. Not only had he knowingly violated the spirit of the rule, but in doing so he’d interrupted the best kiss of my life. One that probably wasn’t going to happen again because I couldn’t afford to let it.

  My magic crackled around my curled fingers.

  “Now, Millie,” Prick began. “Calm down. If you smite all of our clientele, this will all be for nothing.”

  “I promised our employees a safe, scuzzoid free environment. I keep my promises.”

  I really wasn’t sure what I was going to do, but it was going to be epic. I strode with purpose toward the Shifter club and, when I stepped inside, the raccoon from my nightmare was just about to remove her bikini.

  But that didn’t matter.

  What mattered was the giant wolf with one leg all the way over head and his chops buried in his parts, just slurping away.

  Shelley, the wolf Shifter he’d been tipping, seemed embarrassed. “He’s not usually like this. He’s really very nice. We’ve actually been friends for a long time. I just…” She’d shifted into her human form.

  “I’ll take care of it.” I nodded.

  Prick, Prudence and Ethelred were right behind me.

  “Hey,” I said, clearing my throat. “Hey, buddy?”

  Nothing. “

  “Listen, Sir Licks A Lot, knock it off.”

  “Can’t help it,” he mumbled around a mouthful.

  Can’t help it? Can’t. Help. It. No. That’s not how this was going down.

  I manifested a newspaper the size of a cord of firewood and slapped it on the table. “Bad dog!”

  He whimpered, but didn’t stop.

  I heard Ethelred snicker.

  “This really isn’t funny,” Prudence hissed.

  “Yes, it really is.” Ethelred cackled.

  “Damn it,” I growled.
“I said, Bad. Dog.” And I slapped his nose.

  He yelped and went ass over teakettle out of the chair. I zapped him with my magick, forcing him to shift back to human.

  “Look, buddy,” I said. “I think you’re sick. You should really go see someone.”

  “There’s a Shifter Whisperer in Assjacket. Maybe she can help you,” Prudence said. “But I’m afraid we have to ask you to leave.”

  He looked up at Shelley. “You gotta go,” she said gently.

  “I’m so sorry.”

  He seemed to be legitimately horrified at his own behavior.

  “Maybe you’re having a reaction to the Fairy Juice. Do you have an allergy?” Prudence asked hopefully. “Some Shifters don’t tolerate it well.”

  “I’ll see you out,” Ethelred said.

  “No, no. Anyone but you.” The Shifter tried to get away from him.

  “Oh, please. That’s not going to work.” Ethelred rolled his eyes.

  But there was some genuine terror on the Shifter’s face. I didn’t understand it, but I’d already slapped the crap out of him with a newspaper. We didn’t need an even bigger scene. “Prick, will you go ask Justin if he can help escort this guy out?”

  “You know, I think I’m going to call the Shifter Whisperer for you. Justin will take you outside, and you wait there.”

  “No, don’t call her.” He shook his head violently. “No, anything but that. I’m a good dog.”

  “Okay. Whatever you want.” I held up my hands.

  Justin was in bear form when he showed up and the Shifter went with him quietly, stopping to look over his shoulder at Ethelred fearfully.

  “What did you do?” I demanded.

  He wore an innocent expression. “Me? I did nothing.” Then he smirked. “Actually, you know exactly what I did. You were there.”

  The bastard’s hair was still perfect.

  Chapter 4

  Millie

  We were still sleeping at that no-tell motel.

  In my design, I’d forgotten to add rooms for us at The Mandrake. It was an easy fix, I supposed, and while our accommodations would be nicer, I could admit I liked the forced proximity to the demon.

  It was delicious because it was wrong, because it was unsure. It was something I wasn’t supposed to want.

  So of course, all things being equal, I did.

  I wondered how interested I’d be if he wasn’t supposed to be forbidden?

  I stole a glance at him. Yeah, still pretty interested. I probably should come terms with the fact that we were going to sleep together. Well, we’d already slept together, but… you know, sleeping. Why did they call it that anyway? Sleeping together, I mean. That was such a boring description for what actually happened; if it was worth your time and shaving your legs.

  But one of these days, if I didn’t ship Ethelred back to his own dimension, we were going do it. It would be nothing short of amazing, I was sure, but there’d be fallout.

  It’s not like I couldn’t do those things with him without catching feelings. I’d had my fair share of friends with benefits. Getting through University had taken all of my concentration, but a witch had needs that couldn’t always be fulfilled with a battery powered boyfriend.

  Or even a magickally powered one.

  My roommate at University had actually gotten addicted to this sex charm. All she needed was a bit of a person’s DNA to recreate them as a magickal, living sex toy. She’d holed up in our room and had left the sock on the door handle for a week. Finally, I’d gotten tired of not being able to crash in my own bed and had violated our sock-door-agreement. It was a good thing I had. She hadn’t eaten, or slept. All she’d done was have orgasms with this magickal thing.

  I wondered briefly if that’s what sex with a demon would be like. An addiction. I’d end up like Coriander Bane, almost starving myself to death and not sleeping just to get another taste of what he offered.

  I could see it. Especially if he managed to get his power back, somehow.

  I’d probably gotten too comfortable with him. I mean, you know, like those people who’d rescue a lion or a bear cub, raise it as their own, and they’d forget that this creature was inherently wild. Inherently primal. That what the creature happened to be biologically was a cornerstone of who it was.

  Just like those lions and bears weren’t kittens and puppies, Ethelred wasn’t a man. He was a predator. He had hardwiring that wasn’t something that could be reset no matter what happened between us.

  And, just like those lions and bears, Ethelred would do what he was programmed to do. He would be a demon. I couldn’t let myself forget that.

  You’d think that’d wouldn’t be hard to do since it was ever-present in my thoughts. But I could see in my own thinking I’d started to romanticize him a little bit. Just because he’d played Captain Save-a-Witch and took care of me while I was drunk, picked spines out of my ass, and helped me start The Mandrake, I’d started to think of him as a friend.

  Maybe even something more and I couldn’t have that. What did that leave for me, really? A broken heart and I had too many other things on my ledger to deal with at the moment.

  “Hmm,” he said. “The weight of your regard is heavy this morning, witchness.” He rustled the paper he’d been reading. “Just what are you grinding to grist up there in those fast-spinning wheels?”

  He didn’t look at me, and I was glad for it. Sometimes, I was ashamed to admit, when he looked at me, I felt like he could see right down into my bones. No one needed to be that naked. Or at least I didn’t.

  “Thinking about having sex with you.” Why lie, right?

  He rustled the paper again as he turned the page. “And what have you decided?”

  “Not so much decided. Just accepted, I suppose.”

  “Well, that sounds about as exciting as watching paint dry.” He still didn’t look up.

  “I think it’s inevitable.”

  He sighed. “Well, would you like to go ahead and get it over with, then? This trial of carnality?”

  Even with the bored drawl, his words still excited me. How pathetic was that? “No, I’m still game for the chase. I’ve just accepted that you’re going to win.”

  “I always win.” He put the paper down and regarded me, his eyes alight with an inner fire I might’ve misjudged as demonic, if he’d had his power. I had to stop saying he didn’t have any power. He had tons. Just not magick.

  Or maybe that was wrong, too. There was magick in him. It was primal and hot and dark. Everything I found delicious.

  “But you’ll win, too.” A slow smile bloomed on his face. “A night with me has never been a punishment.” He shrugged. “At least not a punishment you didn’t expressly beg for.”

  I shivered, but I was determined to get past the innuendo. I wanted more from him than that. Goddess help me, I wanted to know him. Yeah, he was a predator, a demon, all those things. But I wanted to know what that meant on an intimate level.

  “What if you’re stuck here forever? What are you going to do?”

  The bored mask was back in place. “I haven’t given it much thought. I’m a day to day sort. I suppose I’ll burn that bridge when I get there.” His attention was suddenly focused on me again, all pretense of boredom gone. As if he’d been inspired to some great misdeed. “Why are you thinking about it? Could it be that you want to keep me?”

  Again, I saw no point in trying to lie. “Maybe. What if I happen to catch feelings for all seven of your cocks?”

  He laughed. “Well, it’s best that you don’t. I’ve done the love thing, and I’m not signing up for another round. There’s nothing but pain there.”

  His words cut me. I knew better than to fall for the misunderstood bad boy routine. I really did. Except my heart didn’t.

  Stupid naïve thing. The brain knew better, but that damn thing in my chest didn’t listen.

  Traitorous little shit.

  “Do you want to tell me?”

  “Not really.”<
br />
  “How about if I nag you until you do?”

  “You’d make a fabulous demon.” He turned his attention back to the paper.

  “Come on. Tell me about her.”

  “Him.”

  Oh. Had I been barking up the wrong tree? But he’d kissed me. I found it didn’t deter my burning desire to know. “Okay, him. Tell me.”

  His attention was back on me, and again, I felt as if he could see deep into the marrow of my bones. Which I guessed was only fair, since I was asking him to flay himself open for me—if this was really how he felt and not just another game he played.

  “I didn’t want to fall in love. I did. He was cursed. He died. I tried to bring him back, but he didn’t want to come.”

  Short. Curt. Succinct.

  Yet, I could tell that those words hurt him. That he still felt them like knives.

  “I’m sorry. I can’t imagine choosing anything else over the person I loved.”

  “Those are the breaks, aren’t they, doll?” He gave me a smile. Although there was nothing gentle about it, it wasn’t very devilish either.

  “Wouldn’t you still choose to have him and the time you did get over never knowing what it felt like?”

  “That’s what I’m supposed to say, isn’t it?” He rolled his eyes. “In all seriousness, fuck that with the fattest, dirtiest dick.”

  I laughed. “Yeah, you’re probably right.”

  “Now that we’ve picked open all of my scars, your turn.”

  “My turn to what? I’ve never really been in love, I don’t think,” I confessed.

  “You’d know it if you had. Maybe I’ll be first love. Your first heartbreak.” His grin widened.

  “You sound like that idea makes you happy.” I scowled. Yeah, he was definitely a demon. Or a dick. Maybe both.

  “Of course it does. You never forget your first love. You’ll always remember me.”

  I rolled my eyes. “I’ll never forget you anyway. So if we could skip the breaking my heart part, I’d be good.”

  “See, this is why we shouldn’t have sex. It won’t end well for either one of us.” He winked at me. “In the long term, that is.”

  “Can I ask you another question?”

  “You’ve been firing them off like bullets all morning. You might as well get another one.” His tone was light and teasing.